Goal Trackers

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

What a freakin' weekend!

Let me just say right now, this was a weekend that I never want to repeat in my life! Just annoyance after annoyance with dabblings of depression, anxiety and lots of WTF!! If you read my Friday posting you pretty much know that night ended in emotional upheaval loaded with tequila. *uggg, my stomach quivers just at the word*I spent Saturday sweltering in my house because the AC went out *does her best Wicked Witch impression... I'm meeelllttttiingggg*. The depression from Friday night seems to be dragging on with every little things that reminds of me of Mr. X and has me in tears. I seem to be getting slightly worse with that instead of better. I think I know why too *I'm mean, besides the fact that he squashed my heart and it hurts the a MoF**ker*

These last few months I have engrossed myself in completed my portfolio and studying for the assessment test for National Board Certification *and the main reason why I was going for that was because I THOUGHT I was going to be moving to the Chicago area... color me stupid!* This weekend marked the ending of my over-saturation with technology, collection development and literature. Now that I have no studying to really fill up my alone time those memories are hitting me really hard. I'm usually OK when I'm at work, out with friends or family, or hanging with my knitting groups. It's those moments when I'm alone that are the toughest. It sucks! I know my therapist is probably going to suggest medication for the depression, but I don't want to go there. One reason is because I want to get through all this pain so that I can remember to be on guard and not such a trusting dumb ass in the future. Secondly, I don't want to deal with the sexual side effect *yeah, not like I'll be getting any of THAT anytime soon either* or the weight gain. I have enough problems with my weight, I certainly don't need to add to it!

Anyhoo, I spent Sunday cleaning my little house because I had invited my older sister and her family over for a grill out. Nothing spectacular, but I had a craving for lamb chops and my potato salad *I make a mean potato salad* And since I needed to be home Monday for when the AC man came out it just made sense to invite them over. So this gave me an excuse to give the house the detailed cleaning I've been neglecting because I have been putting so much energy in National Boards, and it gave me an excuse to clear off all my portfolio stuff from my dining room table and take it back! Frisco tried to help, but was easily distracted.
That is one of his favorite toys.
So Monday I grilled lamb and chicken legs *yummy* and I made my potato salad along with baked beans, corn and mandarin orange salad. Almost a good day, I put the beans on the grill to soon and by the time the chicken was done the beans were burned! *grumble-grumble* Luckily I had another can in the pantry that I was able to pop in the microwave. Had to, my niece called me earlier that day and asked for them! After dinner I tried to teach Gabriella how to knit *heaven help me* I was not easy considering every two seconds she was up and in front of the TV watching the Amanda show *apparently prime time entertainment for the kiddies*. By the time they left, I think she got the hang of knitting. We'll see what the working piece looks like next time I'm at her house.

As if that wasn't enough, this morning was the morning of the BIG test. Some higher power really did NOT want me going to testing center this morning. *Here's where the WTF factor comes into play* My alarm clock goes off, but the time isn't lit up. *You would think that would have set off alarm bells, but nooooooooooooooooooooooo* I hit the snooze button and rolled over. Thankfully, the alarm rang again and this time my brain registered the fact that the time was not flashing on the clock and that my room was unusually warm. I attempt to flip on the TV to watch the Weather Channel. No TV *brain still not fully functioning* I try to turn the fan on... nothing. Flip the light switch... nada *brain screams WTF!?* My first thought was "what the hell did the AC man do to my electricity." I stumble out of bed and into some clothes and walk around the house to try every light switch and racking my brain for where I might have a working flashlight. (my house can be like a cave, not much natural light due to lots of trees). I find a flashlight *Alleluia! It worked too!!* Nothing from the breaker box. Try looking around the neighborhood, but can tell much. Dig out the cell phone and call BGE. That's when the brain goes berserk! *Oh my god, did I pay the electric bill? I know I have been severely preoccupied, but I'm sure I paid it.... didn't I?? And of course I can't check my online banking because I have no electricity!* Turns out the whole block was out. No idea why. But when I get back from taking the test everything was working again. *yes, I paid my BGE bill, of course I checked after that panic attack*

So, after the test we all went out to lunch to celebrate. We needed it after that test. That was another WTF! for the list. I'm pretty confident that I did OK, but I was pretty confident about other things in my life and boy did they blow up in my face! Unfortunately there is nothing I can do but sit and wait. Results from the whole process don't get announced till sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas! Then I have to decide... well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I'm still shooting for not having to decide anything because I will have earned enough points to not have to think about that bridge!

So there we all are at the Olney Grille. All expressing our "WTF was that test" and of course drinking. *yes, amazingly after Friday I was able to down three beer at lunch - well shit, I wasn't going back to work after THAT test*

Afterwards, I was seriously drained and needed a pick me up. So I went to the local Borders and guess what section I ended up in?

*Shame on those of you that thought I would be in the sexual content area! ... I was too drained for even those stories *wink* not to mention not really in that playful state-of-mind*

Here's what I came home with:

I even went next door to JoAnne's and picked up fabric to line my Larger Than Life bag with... when I get done with crocheting and putting all the pieces together that is. I still don't know how I want the straps. And I managed to walk out without spending a dime on yarn! *definitely a miracle for me* I am looking forward to summer, knitting and mindless reading.

3 comments:

Cass said...

Big {{{{{hugs}}}}} Pheelya! It'll get better. Just look FORWARD and keep your shoulders back and your chin up. Who needs the fucker. ;) And stay away from the tequila, that stuff makes one crazy. LOL
xoxoxoxo

Theresa said...

Ooooh, new knitting books. You'll have to tell me what you think of the Harlot book. I loved Knitting Rules but don't have that one.

PHD Knitter said...

I loved the Harlot book -- She just seems to know knitters! Sorry you're going through some rough stuff right now, but it'll get better!! Tequila makes so much sense in the moment ....