Goal Trackers

Sunday, July 29, 2007

July Goals Met!

I know I haven't been around much this week. Had a lot going through my head. I did get a lot done while I was mulling over everything. I can't believe it, I truly can't, but I managed to complete all my goals for this month!

July Goal Updates:

* Knit the Monthly Dishcloth KALs (I have such a HUGE dishcloth stash. They knit up 2 dishcloths a month starting on the 1st and the 16th. I don't usually knit the 1st cloth of the month because I'm not big on "picture" cloth, so instead I find an older pattern off the site to knit for the 1st and then I follow their 2nd one) - FINISHED!!

2nd dishcloth completed!

* Knit the Monica Tank for my niece - FINISHED!!

* Finish knitting that same tank for her younger sister. (I needed to make some minor adjustments on the straps and weave in some elastic around the top) FINISHED!!
* Knit a bag for my Secret Pal - FINISHED!!

* Crochet 20% of an afghan for my parents for their Christmas gift - FINISHED!!

* Knit a square for Rebuilding Greensburg - Block by Block FINISHED!!
* Crochet 5 squares for the Stained Glass Afghan. The afghan required 357 squares! - FINISHED!! (23 squares complete! - 334 more to go *faint*)

Friday, July 20, 2007

Zeus's Thunderbolt and Hera's Wrath

The gods apparently really do enjoy tormenting me. All week my Internet connection at home has been flaky and I haven't been able to do much online. Of course, I couldn't get a service call till Friday. Earlier today it seemed to be working just fine. And wouldn't you know it, today Mr. X decides he wants to start talking to me again, through IM that is. *Zeus's thunderbolt strikes*

I was in shock. As much as I have grieved for the loss of our relationship, I never really thought we would ever be speaking again *that's not to say I didn't want it to happen, I just never thought it would* But it was not what I had hoped. It was the wiggling of a knife in an already deep wound.

He was looking for forgiveness for his misdoings, but he couldn't ask for it till he had cleared his conscience of what he had been doing these last 5 months. He was guilt ridden with it all and I guess he thought if he unloaded them onto me and if I could forgive them, all wasn't that bad.

He was the man who had taught me not to beat around the bush in conversations. So he knew I wouldn't accept his cryptic 'I can't really talk with you about it cause it would just hurt you more and that's not fair to you' crap. He knew I would demand straight answers from him. I'm done with the garden mazes.

That's when it came....

*Hera's wrath*

a shot through the heart ... *excuse the Bon Jovi lyrics here*

Remember that dream I had, what was it last month? Him, me, hospital, baby? Apparently it's come true, with the exception of the me part. *numbness* He fell into the bed of another women less than a month after he dumped me cause she's due in December. *despite his claims that it was several months after we had broken up, you do the math and tell me who's wrong in their calculations*

me: Wow, glad to know that you were able to get over me so fast.

him: I think it was more of filling the void than getting over you

What the fuck was that? Was that suppose to make me feel any better? He created the void! If anyone had a void to fill it was me. He left me out in the lurch! But I was able to keep my legs closed and fall into no one's bed but my own after he kicked me out of his.

I was stunned. The man that I knew and loved was worried about pregnancy. He drew a bigger sigh of relief each month than I did. We both knew we weren't ready for children yet, but we had talked about them. The man I knew would not have been so careless. The man I loved, is not this man. How could he have done this?

The man I loved would not have moved in with another woman mere months after meeting her.

And he wants me to forgive his sins? I'm no priest, I'm no nun *not that nuns have that power*

Who is this man? How did I not see this man? And where is the man that I loved? *still love* Where is that man?

My therapist tells me I need to separate the two men. There is the man that I love and have been best friends with for two years. That's the man that was solid with what he had wanted out of his life. That was the man that was a kind, caring, gentle teddy bear. That man was my John Wayne. Then she said there's this other asshole man who's been around for the last five months. How does someone do that? How does someone split a person into two like that? I can understand what she is saying, but understanding and doing - not one in the same. I haven't quite gotten to the point of being able to separate the two.

Now I'm left to wonder, how was it that I never saw this other man. How could I have been so wrong about someone I thought I knew so well? How did I allow a man like this into the deepest depths of my soul and allow him to learn to know me so well? And I guess the ultimate question is, how do I learn to trust and open myself up again to another?

My beer dinner has done nothing to alleviate this pain. I have no idea how many I had, I just know that the beer shelf is empty. *that's a lot* There is no tequila in the house because my gf and I finished it off last weekend. It's the wee hours in the morning and I'm still awake. The anger and the pain just seems to be absorbing the alcohol. The shock, the shock seems to be keeping me awake, which I guess isn't such a bad thing since I really don't want to deal with the dreams.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My Last Will and Testament

Found these off of Shelly's blog Barely Contained.

I, Pheelya, being of sound mind, hereby bequeath my entire estate to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I do this because I support their goal of banning people from taking diet pills.

My only regret in this life was that I didn't punch more people in the face.
'What will your Last Will and Testament say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

How funny is that!

Here's another one I found on her blog.

You have a sexual hidden talent

You have a sexual hidden talent. You might not look it but you are a dynamo in bed. Most of your lovers think that it is from years of practice, but really, you were just born with it.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

*LAUGH* I guess a hidden sexual talent is better than no talent at all. *and no, I'm not telling you all my talent, that my secret to figue out first!*giggle*

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

ITE IV bag complete!!

Suki Tote
Originally uploaded by pheelya

It's finally all finished and is set to go to the post office in the morning!

Yarn: 2 skeins of Patons Classic Wool in black, 1 skein Cascade 220 wool in Purple, 1 skein Patons Classic Wool in turquise, and 1 skein Jo-Ann Sensations Bellezza Collection Dolcetto in peach.

It's going to be so hard letting this beauty go!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Lead Me Not Into Temptation...

Cruelty I tell you! I made a pledge not to enhance my stash this month. *no seX this month, in more ways then one* I joined Stashalong in order to curb my uncontrollable urge to purchase soft, squishy yarn that is cuddly soft and knit things using the mounds of gorgeous fibers I already have oozing from every crevice of my home. I am on my third week of a yarn diet.

dum de dum dum dummmmmmm........

The serpent is hanging from the fruit tree tempting me to its goods....

The evil stepmother is in disguise and has come to my door with a delectable red apple to eat....
*OK, so it was really just an email from someone in my knitting group, but still - temptation strikes*

A lys is having a 25% off EVERYTHING sale. Oh the cruelty! I can close my eyes and see this nice little shop, filled with all this luscious yarn that is just begging to be touch. I can hear them now whispering in my ear... "touch me... stoke me... feel my softness... caress me..."

*the yarn shop sounds like a B rate porn movie doesn't it? Not that I know that I know what a B rate porn movie sounds like. Really, I don't. I just imagine that is sounds something like that. Right? *whistles innocently* too bad it's not quite as orgasmic*

So, what did I do you ask? I acted like an angel *polishes the little horns that hold up the halo. I never said I WAS one, sheesh. Beside, bad is just so much more fun - Not that I've had any change to be really bad lately - damn, never should have brought up pornos* I resisted that temptation! Instead, I grabbed some 40% coupons and hauled my ass over to JoAnn's to curb my need and instead bought three knitting/crochet books instead. *now I have even more ideas of how to use my stash* See what I got:

Apparently, Frisco thinks these books were for him. Either that, or this was his way of telling me I need to pay more attention to him. What do you think?

Here's an update on my July goals:
* Knit a bag for my Secret Pal - 90% complete
Before felting:

After felting:
All that's left for this tote is to add the grommets and loop through the straps and mail it off!!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Muggle's beware!

Friday night I had a gf over for dinner. Nothing special, just threw some burgers and dogs on the grill. The special part were the margaritas that kept us going till it was time for the movie!

*note to self: need to stop at liquor store for more tequila, contruae and margarita mix*

I can't believe the shit that is advertised in movie cinemas! Our show started at 9:40PM and we got there at about 9:15 *yes, we had purchased our tickets online* From the time we sat down in the theater till the movie started there were all these advertisement clips running on the screen - commercial for the new Bill Engvall show, even a Sure deodorant commercial! I felt like I was home watching TV *though at home I tend to DVR my shows so that I can FF through the commercials* Come on people! We go to movies to get AWAY from commercials!

Then the movie started 5 minutes late and of course there were like 20 minutes of previews for up coming movies. Apparently lots of children's books are being turned into movie. We saw a preview for The Spiderwicks and another for The Dark is Rising. It was during one of these previews that I had turned to my gf Karen and said, "You know what book I would love for them to turn into a movie? The Golden Compass Series." AWESOME series! And guess what! The last preview we saw before the movie started was one for The Golden Compass! I am so excited that I actually squealed in the theatre 3 seconds into the preview because I knew immediately what movie it was!! *unacceptable behavior for a grown woman I know. I'm a dork! But I rather enjoy being young at heart, much more fun :) * It's coming out in December, guess it will be a Christmas release. So I know what I'll be watching over winter break!

The movie was great. I actually think they could have gone just a tad longer with it. Some things were a bit rushed. We had the funniest guy sitting behind us *and I'm not talking looks since I have no idea what he looked like* he just made some appropriate comments at apprapo moments in the movie that had us cracking up. It was a very enjoyable evening.

It's been neat watching those characters grow up. I was watching the 2nd movie not to long ago and it's so weird to see all of them looking so young! Anyhoo, now I am looking forward to the last book coming out and hope now that the book series in complete, that the other 2 movies won't be too far behind considering the actors are growing up!

Knitting News!

Can I just tell you how neat Ravelry is! *hey, don't player hate! I hear you grumbling. I was there too* Anyhoo, I'm in the process of uploading my stash *I should probably stop now considering I have heart palpitations every time I review my stash to figure out what to make next* So, getting back to the stash, I had purchased several different skeins of yarn from A.C. Moore a while back. *huge sale, couldn't resist* From the skein wrapper I figured out that the brand is Fantasy Yarn *but I can't find anything for that company online* and I have never seen that yarn ANYWHERE else, not in other stores and not on any online vendor *very frustrating* At this point I am guessing that this is simply just an AC Moore line of yarn. Anyone out there know or seen this yarn elsewhere? I lost my train of thought... oh yeah, Ravelry! So, I was cruising through Ravelry to see if anyone else had this yarn, to see what they've made with it *and to see if anything could be made with one lonely skein* and a few people did. Then there was Ellen! Ellen had this yarn in her stash and she had it marked "Trade/Sell" When I took a look at the details, I couldn't believe it! The same color # and more importantly, the same dye lot #! What a co-inkydink! I was actually thinking of giving my one lonely skein away *very difficult since I love the color and well let's face it, I'm a yarn ho!* till this. Of course I contacted her immediately and asked her if there was anything in my "trade/sell" stash that she would like as a trade. Sadly, she didn't want anything, but Ellen must believe in Good Yarn Karma because she mailed me the 2.5 skeins she had anyway! THANK YOU ELLEN!! *rubs her hands together and cackle maniacally as she tried to figure out what to turn these lovely skeins into* And the bonus is that I didn't buy this yarn, so I didn't break my goal for Stashalong! Yippee!

Moving on with the knitting news. The first Monica is OFFICIALLY done and turned over to it's rightful owner! *isn't she the cutest devil in disguise!* I had finished the tank back in June, but when she tried it on the straps were too long and the top was too wide. It too me forever to fix these simple things! I resized the straps, but I was somewhat at a loss as for how to fix the top portion. After asking various seasoned knitters, I found the simplest solution was elastic string! Whalla!

I am currently working on the same patter in a different color for her older sister (minus the ruffle). I made the adjustment of knitting it in the round so I don't have to deal with seaming, and I will be adding a few decreases in the last couple of rows to avoid needed the elastic. That tank should be done fairly soon!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Knittable Gag Gifts

OK, so I'm cruising through and reading the various blogs that I read when...

wait for it....

I came across The A.D.D. Knitter's latest post in regards to gag gifts. I got a good chuckle. Then reading the comments that were left on that post, had me rolling. Several people had commented on wanting to make the same gag gifts. Well, leave it to the media specialist in me to start searching for said patterns. Imagine my suprise when I found so many out there *OK, so those of you that know my peverse mind know I'm not really that suprised, but shhhhhhhh not everyone out there know me that well!*

Now I know most of us have probably seen all the cute thong lingerie patterns that are bombarding the knitting world right now. As cute as they look, I'm not one to spend all THAT much time *OK, THAT much time, what, like 3 minutes to connect the string pieces is a lot of time* knitting something like that just to have it ripped off my body in the heat of the moment *HA! Like that's going to be happening anytime soon, but shit a girl can have her fantasies can't she! Now shush and leave me to my fantasy*

Ooops, forgot I was in the middle of a post *mental note to get back to that fantasy later* Oh, where was I, oh yes, sex, no, no I mean gag gifts. That was it!

OK, so we've seen the thongs, and if you follow Cass's blog (Shut Up, I'm Counting) she led us to this lovely piece last week. Here's one more for ya in case you missed it.

Damn, I think I lost my train of thought, must be sex on the brain syndrome *no really! or rather from lack there of*


For you entertainment I present....



Typically Funny after seeing that last two that is.

Hillariously Funny!

May have to make this one for Mr. X! For those of you following the Mr. X story, I'm sure you can make the connection.

Is there a special jackass in your life you need to make a gift for? *smaller will really fuck mess around with his ego*

So, how many will you be making for the office holiday parties this years?!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Project Updates

OK, so we all remember the goals I have for my July projects? Here's an update on what I was able to accomplish this week while I was off work!


July Goal Updates:

* Knit the Monthly Dishcloth KALs (I have such a HUGE dishcloth stash. They knit up 2 dishcloths a month starting on the 1st and the 16th. I don't usually knit the 1st cloth of the month because I'm not big on "picture" cloth, so instead I find an older pattern off the site to knit for the 1st and then I follow their 2nd one) - 50% complete

* Knit the Monica Tank for my niece - 50% complete

* Knit a bag for my Secret Pal (Suki Bag) - 75% complete

Haven't touched these goals yet:
* Finish knitting that same tank for her younger sister. (I needed to make some minor adjustments on the straps and weave in some elastic around the top)
* Crochet 20% of an afghan for my parents for their Christmas gift.
* Knit a square for
Rebuilding Greensburg - Block by Block
* Crochet 5 squares for the
Stained Glass Afghan. The afghan required 357 squares!

I think I need to try and find my wrist guards today while I clean the house I've been neglecting all week in order to knit! I think I did a tad too much knitting this week *gasp*Did I say too much??*

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Well, I joined yet another destash KAL called Stashalong, but this one actually forces you to make goals, which is what I think I needed. I have been uploading my stash to Ravelry and realized I have WAY too much yarn in my small house! *that doesn't even begin to explain it* So, I decided to join and knock those skeins down before those skeins knock down my house! *giggle* There are several different options you can choose from.

Here are my goals for July:

* Knit the Monthly Dishcloth KALs (I have such a HUGE dishcloth stash. They knit up 2 dishcloths a month starting on the 1st and the 16th. I don't usually knit the 1st cloth of the month because I'm not big on "picture" cloth, so instead I find an older pattern off the site to knit for the 1st and then I follow their 2nd one)

* Knit the Monica Tank for my niece

* Finish knitting that same tank for her younger sister. (I needed to make some minor adjustments on the straps and weave in some elastic around the top *yes, the same one I needed to fix back in May*)

* Knit a bag for my Secret Pal.

* Crochet 20% of an afghan for my parents for their Christmas gift. *I won't even go into how long I've had the yarn for that project*

* Knit a square for Rebuilding Greensburg - Block by Block

* Crochet 5 squares for the Stained Glass Afghan. The afghan required 357 squares!

I think that should all be doable in a months time, even after work cuts into my knitting time *laugh*

DD of Summer contest

Answers to the Dog Days of Summer Swap Contest

Someone who crochets - Karen R
Someone who's never made a dishcloth before - Megan
Someone who has been knitting\crocheting for less than 2 years - Priscilla S.
Someone who has been knitting\crocheting for more than 5 years - Kelly
Someone who is from a non-US country - Jody

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

4th of July - red, white and Blues

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I am really not looking forward to today. This was the last holiday I spent with my Mr. X. He loves the 4th of July. Last year, I was up there enjoying the 4th with him and all his friends (whom he considered more family then mere friends). He and his buddy spend close to $800 on fireworks last year. It was a hell of a fireworks display that night. One day I hope that I can think back on these memories and smile, instead of smiling through tears.

I was talking to my friend David the other night *whom I haven't spoken with in a while, as a matter of fact I had spoken much with any of my friends in a while, guess that's depression for ya* anyhoo, he asked me if I was still not smoking *I had been pretty much smoke free for 10 years, till I finally made the decision to leave my marriage...and then I had quit again last April... I just smoked my last cigarette and didn't buy anymore... till February 27th. Believe it or not, I don't crave cigarettes. I never really have. But it always seemed to be my vice when the shit really hits the fan in my life. Some people go for food, other for booze, me - it's always been cigarettes. Tho this time it's pretty much been all three for me, I won't even go into how much more depressed I get when I put on clothes or step on my scale*

David: So, you still not smoking?

me: HA! yeah, that went to pot the minute my world came crashing down around me...

David: What did happen between you two?

I gave him the condensed version because it still hurts. *and that really pisses me off* I told him about when Mr. X came down last August and asked me to be him wife and how I felt like I had finally found my pot of gold. As I look back now, I really did feel like that. I had found a man who had all of the most important qualities I wanted in a partner. *emphasis on most important because there is no such thing as 100% perfect - no, not even me* I couldn't have been happier. Even people at work had commented on how much happier I had seemed.

But in the back of my mind, there was also a little fear. The fear that this was too good to be true, that is would eventually crumble away *yeah, the pessimistic personality that I can't seem to kill outright, but I am working on its slow death* That Carma would come around and bite me in the ass and laugh in my face. Each time he adamantly told me, "I'm not going anywhere" I'd stick another pin into the mental Pessimistic Voodoo doll. Guess Carma was stronger...

sidebar: Have you read The Secret? Maybe I put out my own bad vibes with these thoughts. Who the hell knows, but it sure as shit isn't me.

David: payback? for what?

me: for my marriage. Not that I regret my decision in any way, shape or form. But I know that J was really hurt by it.

David: you left your marriage cause it wasn't right for you.

me: I know, I am NOT saying I would like it back, just that I had hurt someone badly, and now things have come full circle

David: [Mr. X] ended your relationship for whatever his reasons were. it had nothing to do with Carma It had nothing to do with payback.

But I still wonder, does Carma have anything to do with it? Isn't that the basic principal behind any religious or spiritual belief? Do to others as you want done to you. Should be the number one principle for humanity. I do try to live by that. *though sometimes is really is hard to remember when the chips are down, or something is really wrong* That's one of the reasons I had stayed in my marriage as long as I had. I had made a commitment for better or for worse. Not that I am an overly religious person, but it was my commitment. Then, of course, there's the family issue. Born and raised Italian-Catholic not a divorcee in the family. Leave it to me to break tradition. *There is one uncle, but he was granted an annulment so that makes it all OK*rolls her eyes*

me: well, whatever, doesn't make it hurt any less

David: I know darlin

*yes, he really does use the work darlin - you can take the boy out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the boy*

me: What really sucks the big one, is each night I go have smoke on my back deck, I watch my driveway. I watch because I have this damn idea in my head that one night he's going to pull in.

*I never smoke in my house, because I can't stand the smell of smoke - see, I'm really not a smoker at heart, but I can't seem to kick this vise for good*

*not that I have any idea as to whether I would beat him or hug him if he did*

David: it's called wishful thinking

me: yeah, well it make it pretty fuckin' hard to move on when you can't even control your thoughts about it.

And that's so true. Here it is 4 months since Mr. X called it quits and 8 months since I've seen him and yet he is still the first person I think of when I wake up, he's still the last person on my mind when I go to bed, and he's still occasionally in my dreams *hence, why it's 1 in the morning and I'm bloggin instead of sleepin' - afraid to dream* So how exactly do I move on? How do I get him out of my system?

Friends tell me that I need to do things to occupy myself, consume my time. OK, I work, I joined 2 knitting groups and go when I can, I go out with friends, I joined an online Mystery book club, looking for a book club in my area, but I can't have someone around me 24/7 to occupy my mind. *well yeah, if I go running into another relationship and shift it from 0-70 in 3 seconds flat, I guess I could have someone around me 24/7, but that's not my style. That's not the answer for me*

I go through crying spells and wondering how the hell we went from being excited over a trip and getting him away from the shit that was going on with him and work *and getting to spend a weekend with him was definitely a perk* to ten days later getting dumped. Talk about your "What the fuck just happened?!" Then there are the times when the rage just comes to the surface. I am just so angry about it all that I cry and try to control my feelings of wanting to smash things. *Theresa, I tried your idea of bottles in a bag with a hammer, and it eased it some - so thank you for that suggestion. But there's something about just hurling something into a wall that over powers and consumes my idea of releasing frustration* I have honestly mentally gone through all my breakable in my house trying to make a list of things that I really wouldn't mind losing, of course now, I need to find a wall I can hurl them against. *not an easy thing to find when you live in a suburban area*

It cuts my heart to know that I couldn't make him happy or secure enough to conquer his issues with relationships. I had thought I had been when he asked last August, but not. I love him and he will always be the one who got away to me. For years, I had thought that was someone else from my past, but that pales in comparison to what I feel for him. I didn't know what it truly meant.

And because I love him, I hope that one day he will truly find happiness. *yes, it torments me inside to know it won't be with me, but I still want him to find his happiness. He deserve it* He's all man on the outside, but he has a gentle heart. You just have to see him interact with people, or have a real conversation with him to know that.

OK, now that I have gone through half a box of tissues and now have a headache, it's time for sleep, hopefully dreamless.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Dog Days of Summer Dishcloth Swap Questionnaire

1. Do you knit, or crochet, or do both? How long have you been knitting\crocheting? crochet for 20 years, knit for 1.5 years

2. Have you knit dishcloths or dishtowels before? yes

3. What are your favorite cotton yarns? Is there a cotton or linen you’ve been dying to try but have not? cotton = Peaches 'n Cream, linen = Euroflax *love it*

4. Are there any cotton yarns you don’t enjoy knitting with? not that I am aware of!

5. What type of needle do you prefer using? (Metal/Wood/Plastic) metal, but not aluminum

6. What other projects do you enjoy knitting or crocheting? afghans, shawls. scarves, hats, baby blankets, learning socks now

7. Do you have other hobbies or enjoy other kinds of crafting? painting ceramics

8. What kind of treats do you like? Chocolate? Candies? Nuts? Nuts: Pistachios, Almonds, Peanuts, Macadamias Chocolates: Milk, White, Italian torrone, Italian Bacci

9. What colors are your kitchen and bath decorated in, if any? Kitchen is black, white and red. Bathroom is cream and deep mauve.

10. What are your favorite colors and what colors do you dislike? Favorite colors are rich deep reds, blues, purples, greens and black. I'm not much for orange and yellow, nor pastel colors

11. Do you drink coffee? Tea? Other beverages? Italian coffee, herbal teas, green tea, oolong tea, jasmine tea, hot cocoa

12. Do you have any kids (human or pet variety!)? 1 ADHD kitty who is 12 years and still thinls he's 6 months old!

13. Do you have any allergies? dial soap

14. Please share 3 tidbits about yourself that you think your pal and other swappers might find odd or interesting.

Hmmm....qood question. Let's see....
1. I collect unique fairies
2. I love watching crimes shows like, CSI - Criminal Minds - Dexter
3. I am learning to be single again.

How Kool is This!!

Valerie from My Little Piece of the Net has bestowed this honor on little 'ol me!

Thank you so much--I had no idea I was among your favorite bloggers! I'll have a shot of tequila later tonight to celebrate this honor *like I really need an excuse for tequilla* ;) I now get the honor of passing the baton to five of my most favoritest bloggers, who haven't already been tagged of course, and they are...

Barely Contained
PhD Knitter
Lolly Knitting Around